FILM FREAK CENTRAL

Running with Scissors (2006) – DVD

January 22, 20072000s, 2006, 2007, Authors: Travis Mackenzie Hoover, Comedy, Drama, DVD

**/**** Image A Sound A Extras B
starring Annette Bening, Joseph Cross, Brian Cox, Evan Rachel Wood
screenplay by Ryan Murphy, based on the novel by Augusten Burroughs
directed by Ryan Murphy

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover It would be hard not to be a little moved by the traumatic goings-on of Running with Scissors. The film is based on Augusten Burroughs’s best-selling memoir, and the author has plenty to forget: not merely the failure of his real family, consisting of a distant alcoholic father and a self-righteous, failed-poet mother, but also the nightmare of moving out of that home and into that of Mommy’s quack psychiatrist. Yet as the horrors pile up, one wonders what’s being learned in the midst of all this unburdening. I haven’t read Burroughs’s book, but Ryan Murphy’s screen translation fails completely to draw conclusions from the facts–we’re simply dropped in the midst of some seriously unhappy people and left to fend for ourselves. Perhaps the memoirist felt the same way, but without any generalizations drawn it seems rather like that money-grubbing head-shrinker, making hay with other people’s depression.

The Promise (2005) – DVD (U.S. version)

January 19, 20072000s, 2005, 2007, Action, Authors: Walter Chaw, China, Drama, DVD, Fantasy, Martial Arts, South Korea

*/**** Image A Sound A- Extras C
starring Hiroyuki Sanada, Jang Dong Gun, Cecilia Cheung, Nicholas Tse
screenplay by Chen Kaige and Zhang Tan
directed by Chen Kaige

by Walter Chaw Any fad reaches its nadir in due time, and the Western wuxia infatuation, which started somewhere around Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and more or less peaked with Zhang Yimou’s exceptional Hero, has found its basement in the truncated version of Chen Kaige’s already-pretty-embarrassing The Promise. Somewhere, King Hu is spinning in his grave. An abomination just about any way you slice it, this ultra-expensive, CGI’d-to-exhaustion wire-fu epic–especially as sanitized for North America’s consumption–suggests the world’s saddest public display of penis envy. Chen, hailing from the same Fifth Generation school as Zhang, produces a show-offy, self-indulgent bit of flamboyant one-upsmanship destined to become a queer camp classic. When the Crimson General (Hiroyuki Sanada) trades in his fabulous duds for a lavender muumuu in which to trade barbs with archenemy Wuhuan (Nicholas Tse, suspended somewhere between pretty girl and Japanese anime hero), a bad guy garbed in white feathers who wields a gold staff topped with a bronze hand, index finger extended in proctological menace, the homoeroticism of the piece–already distracting in the subtext–suddenly becomes the main event. It’s probably this unfathomable cut of the film’s Rosetta Stone, in fact, pared down to some half-assed companion piece to Chen’s own Farewell My Concubine. Without much strain, you can see The Promise being transformed, in all its kitsch excess, into a Broadway pop-opera: Memoirs of a Geisha: The Musical.

7 Men from Now (1956) [Special Collector’s Edition] – DVD

January 17, 20071950s, 2007, Authors: Travis Mackenzie Hoover, DVD, Western

Seven Men from Now
***½/**** Image B+ Sound A Extras A-
starring Randolph Scott, Gail Russell, Lee Marvin, Walter Reed
screenplay by Burt Kennedy
directed by Budd Boetticher

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover Like most Budd Boetticher movies, Seven Men from Now is supremely modest. Despite my high star rating, I fear overselling its virtues–it’s not a searing, world-shattering masterpiece that leaves you devastated. But for a sort of chamber western, it’s lovely and uncommonly sensitive. The film doesn’t dig on the adventure and violence that are the major selling points of the genre: it’s about an ex-lawman’s guilty torment; a failed husband’s obliviousness to the trials of his wife; and a kind-of outlaw who’s sort of a friend but also sort of not. There is of course a revenge plot and the occasional incursion of marauding Indians, but you barely notice them over the nuances of the characters and their various sadnesses. It’s less than genius but somehow more than the action oater you know the studio wanted.

The Girls Next Door: Season One (2005) + Stacked: The Complete Series (2005-2006) – DVDs

January 15, 20072000s, 2005, 2007, Authors: Ian Pugh, Comedy, DVD, Romance, Television

THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR: SEASON ONE
Image A Sound A Extras D+
“Meet the Girls,” “New Girls in Town,” “Happy Birthday, Kendra,” “What Happens in Vegas,” “Fight Night,” “Operation Playmate,” “Just Shoot Me,” “Midsummer Night’s Dream,” “Under the Covers,” “Ghostbusted,” “Grape Expectations,” “I’ll Take Manhattan,” “My Kind of Town,” “Clue-Less,” “It’s Vegas Baby!”

STACKED: THE COMPLETE SERIES
Image B+ Sound C Extras D
“Pilot,” “Beat the Candidate,” “A Fan for All Seasons,” “Gavin’s Pipe Dream,” “The Ex-Appeal,” “Nobody Says I Love You,” “Two Faces of Eve,” “Darling Nikki,” “Crazy Ray,” “iPod,” “Heavy Meddle,” “Goodwizzle Hunting,” “After Party,” “Romancing the Stones,” “You’re Getting Sleepy,” “The Third Date,” “The Day the Music Died,” “Poker,” “The Headmaster”

by Ian Pugh I’m pretty sure it was Jon Stewart who described “lad mags” like MAXIM and STUFF as “porn for people too timid to buy porn,” and under that category we could probably also file PLAYBOY reality series “The Girls Next Door” and the Pamela Anderson sitcom “Stacked”: softcore pap for those too afraid to have God’s honest filth appear on their rental history or cable bill. I’m inclined to believe those same people are apt to use the phrase “turn your brain off” while justifying their love of these silicone parades–which in this case means, what, “shut up and masturbate”? PLAYBOY and Anderson are both cultural artifacts and thus demand scrutiny; protest, however, and you’ll just be dismissed as a double-plus-bad thought cop bringing intelligence to a discussion where it isn’t wanted. You know, the brainiac killjoy who has to say, “Why are you watching this garbage?” The programs themselves shout you down, in fact, before you have a chance to complain: each invokes Shakespeare on a whim (“Girls” in a party and episode named for “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, “Stacked” in one of its sarcastic faux-intellectual quotations)–not for any genuine comparison, but as a surrogate for intelligence, introduced for the sole purpose of deriding it as impertinent. You’re the idiot, apparently, for harbouring the desire for something substantial out of one of the most widespread and influential media of the last century.

See No Evil (2006) – DVD

January 12, 20072000s, 2006, 2007, Authors: Alex Jackson, DVD, Horror

*/**** Image A- Sound A Extras B
starring Kane, Christina Vidal, Luke Pegler, Samantha Noble
screenplay by Dan Madigan
directed by Gregory Dark

by Alex Jackson SPOILER WARNING IN EFFECT. Gregory Dark started out directing adult films–I’ve been told that his award-winning Let Me Tell Ya ‘Bout White Chicks is a classic of the miscegenation genre–and had moved up to music videos when he was offered See No Evil, his first feature film (as well as the first film produced under the WWE banner). The idea that Dark sees this movie as his ticket to the big leagues is as good an explanation as any for its smarmy tone. Still embarrassed about making a slasher picture (and, by extension, his stigmatic beginnings), he distances himself from the material by condescending to it: If he’s better than B-movie claptrap, then that means he’s an A-list filmmaker, right? I have no idea where Dark wants to be near the end of his career, but the attitude he brings to See No Evil is that of a climber and not a serious artist who happens to be relegated to the periphery of the mainstream.

Takeshis’ (2005) – DVD

January 8, 20072000s, 2005, 2007, Action, Authors: Walter Chaw, Comedy, Drama, Esoterica, Japan, Satire

**/**** Image B Sound B
starring Takeshi Kitano, Kotomi Kyono, Kayoko Kishimoto, Ren Osugi
written and directed by Takeshi Kitano

by Walter Chaw Midway between Fellini’s 8½ and Bob Fosse’s All That Jazz is Japanese auteur Takeshi Kitano’s Takeshis’, a film that indicates with its possessive title that it belongs to both the director (Takeshi Kitano) and star (“Beat” Takeshi); acknowledging that they’re one and the same (Kitano is billed as the former when he directs, the latter when he performs), they each have a function and persona unique unto themselves. The burden of that division, which Takeshi has taken on since midway through Violent Cop, is illustrated in the picture as a series of fractures that meld reality with televisual reality and filmic reality–nothing so ostentatious as Sven Nykvist and Ingmar Bergman reflected in a mirror in Persona, but going so far as to have “Beat” Takeshi, dressed as a clown, refer to Takeshi Kitano as “that asshole.” The omniscience of the director is referred to often in the text as casting directors (rather, actors playing casting directors, or casting directors playing themselves) remark that Yakuza never look like Kitano (who has made something of a name for himself as a Yakuza: he’s a little like the Japanese Robert De Niro)–and yet the central narrative of the picture then involves the slow evolution of the actor who looks like Kitano into Takeshi Kitano’s Yakuza persona. Kitano is thus marking the difference between the devices of the director and the relatively passive objectification that is the primary definition of an actor–between the godhead inscrutable and the subject humiliated, as well as the eventual bleed-through between the roles actors assume and the mold into which perception forces them.

Children of Men (2006) + Letters from Iwo Jima (2006)

January 5, 2007****/****, 2000s, 2006, 2007, Action, Adventure, Authors: Walter Chaw, Clint Eastwood, Drama, Japan, Sci-Fi, Spielberg, Theatrical Release, Thriller, UK, War

CHILDREN OF MEN
****/****
starring Clive Owen, Julianne Moore, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Charlie Hunnam
screenplay by Alfonso Cuarón & Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby, based on the novel by P.D. James
directed by Alfonso Cuarón

LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
***½/****
starring Ken Watanabe, Kazunari Ninomiya, Tsuyoshi Ihara, Ryo Kase
screenplay by Iris Yamashita, based on the book Picture Letters from Commander in Chief by Tadamichi Kuribayashi and Tsuyoko Yoshido
directed by Clint Eastwood

by Walter Chaw Stop on any single frame of Alfonso Cuarón’s remarkable war idyll Children of Men–a film that’s rarely in repose, sometimes seeming composed of one long, frantic shot–and I suspect the sharp-eyed, educated viewer would be able to cull a reference to modern art, most likely one about men reduced to their base animal nature. For me, the two visual landmarks come in the form of a cue to the cover design for Pink Floyd‘s 1977 “Animals” when hero Theo (Clive Owen) goes to see his industrialist cousin Nigel (Danny Huston) for help and a re-creation of Richard Misrach’s remarkable series of 1987 photographs documenting, among other things, a dead-animal pit in Nevada purportedly used to dispose of victims of a plutonium “hot spot.” Both share a space with surrealism in the positioning of animals (artificial or deceased) in industrial spaces (London’s Battersea Power Station is the iconic backdrop of the “Animals” cover) as mute commentary, perhaps, on man’s destructive relationship with his environment–a read that jibes comfortably with the thrust of Children of Men, in which we’re told that one day in the not-too-distant future, humans suddenly stop reproducing. (Fertile ground for science-fiction, this obsession with progeny (see: everything from Frankenstein to I Am Legend).) The picture opens with a Fleet Street terrorist bombing, a little like Terry Gilliam’s dystopic Brazil–though rather than take the easier route of satirizing our current state of instability and free-floating paranoia, Children of Men makes a serious attempt to allegorize it.

Dane Cook’s Tourgasm (2006) – DVD

January 5, 20072000s, 2006, 2007, Authors: Ian Pugh, Comedy, Documentary, DVD, Television

Image A Sound A- Extras D
“The First Laugh,” “Working It Out,” “The United States of Insanity,” “It Was The Best of Times…,” “Determined and Injured,” “Competitively Speaking,” “Beginning of the End,” “Back in the Day,” “The Curtain Call”

by Ian Pugh It’s not that I don’t get Dane Cook. In fact, it’s difficult not to occasionally chuckle when looking over his repertoire, as in ruminating on the general inconvenience of having the Kool-Aid Man burst through your wall and the fact that no one can ever finish a game of Monopoly, or wondering who would write racial epithets while sitting on the toilet, he represents a strict literalization of that old sarcastic summation of stand-up comedy: “He’s sayin’ what we’re all thinkin’!” It’s not that funny, but we all laugh, anyway, partially for Cook’s enthusiasm, partially because he’s a reflection of us at our most vulnerable (that is, at our stalest creative moments), proudly transcribing the idle thoughts and half-attempts at wit that pass through our minds on a daily basis. We laugh, painfully, because we’ve all contemplated what Cook has to say.

A Star is Born (1976) – DVD

January 3, 20071970s, 2007, Authors: Travis Mackenzie Hoover, Drama, DVD, Music, Romance

**/**** Image B+ Sound A- Extras B+
starring Barbra Streisand, Kris Kristofferson, Gary Busey, Oliver Clark
screenplay by John Gregory Dunne & Joan Didion and Frank Pierson
directed by Frank Pierson

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover It was no doubt celestially preordained that Barbra Streisand would unleash herself on some cherished Old Hollywood warhorse. But while the Janet Gaynor/Judy Garland hand-me-downs that ultimately felt her musical wrath were nobody’s idea of untouchable masterpieces, they at least played their cards right in terms of credulity towards celebrity and damaged spouses. The Streisand/Kristofferson A Star is Born lacks genuine investment in its central relationship between alcoholic rock star John Norman Howard (Kris Kristofferson) and his protégé/lover Esther Hoffmann (Streisand). We’re supposed to take their epic love on faith, to say nothing of the burned-out cynicism of the descendant rocker; there’s a lot of talk about disaffection and anguish, but Frank Pierson’s camera never catches it and the actors never quite express it.

Film Freak Central’s Top 10 of 2006

January 2, 20072000s, 2006, 2007, Authors: Bill Chambers, Authors: Travis Mackenzie Hoover, Authors: Walter Chaw, Best-of Lists, Blog

by Walter Chaw I think the start of 2006 held so much promise mainly because it heralded the end of 2005. Not a doomsayer by any stretch, I find myself, at least in my own head, defending the state of film against facile diagnoses. “Books are always better than the movies based on them” and “They don’t make good movies anymore” are the common phrases trotted out to simulate critical thought–better yet is the carrying around of the cross of “You just don’t like anything.” The truth is that books are only superior to the movies made from them about half the time (consider that almost all of Hitchcock’s films are based on shitty literature); that good movies are no rarer than usual; and that disliking Blood Diamond, Dreamgirls, and The Holiday doesn’t mean I don’t like anything. Still, I admit to taking short rides with those facile phrases over the years, trying them on for size, seeing if and how far they will fly.

That’s My Bush! [The Definitive Collection] – DVD

January 2, 20072000s, 2007, Authors: Ian Pugh, Comedy, DVD, Satire, Television

Image B+ Sound B+ Extras B-
“An Aborted Dinner Date,” “A Poorly Executed Plan,” “Eenie Meenie Miney MURDER!,” “S.D.I.-AYE-AYE!,” “The First Lady’s Persqueeter,” “Mom ‘E’ D.E.A. Arrest,” “Trapped in a Small Environment,” “Fare Thee Welfare”

“What we’re sick of–and it’s getting even worse–is: You either like Michael Moore or you wanna fuckin’ go overseas and shoot Iraqis. There can’t be a middle ground. Basically, if you think Michael Moore’s full of shit, then you are a super-Christian right-wing whatever. And we’re both just pretty middle-ground guys. We find just as many things to rip on on the left as we do on the right. People on the far left and the far right are the same exact person to us.”
— Trey Parker, “Interview of the Meanest”; IN FOCUS, October 2004

by Ian Pugh I think “South Park” boasts the occasional flash of brilliance, but I resent that its more flagrantly political messages, particularly in the past few seasons, essentially boil down to ‘both sides are fucking crazy: here’s how it really is.’ Trey Parker and Matt Stone strike me less as philosophers than as contrarians who force their perceived sensible alternatives down our throats as the infallible Solution. It’s a shame, too, because Parker and Stone remain two of the most talented satirists of our generation, if not in terms of hot-button topics: The ending of the recent “South Park” episode “Stanley’s Cup,” for instance, attacked sports movies by reminding us that every game involves two teams with similar aspirations, and, of course, Team America: World Police‘s caustic parody of “Rent” is as concise and shocking a criticism of that musical as one will find. I’m not taking the stupidly dismissive “I like you better when you’re funny” position that Tucker Carlson had towards Jon Stewart on CNN’s “Crossfire”, but in the world of “South Park”, there are only three options when it comes to world events: left, right, and middle, the latter being invariably correct. Compared to the innumerable increments in the political spectrum of reality, three extremes are no better than two.

Conversations with Other Women (2005) – DVD

January 2, 20072000s, 2005, 2007, Authors: Travis Mackenzie Hoover, Comedy, Drama, DVD, Romance, UK

**½/**** Image A- Sound A Extras B
starring Aaron Eckhart, Helena Bonham Carter, Nora Zehetner, Eric Eidem
screenplay by Gabrielle Zevin
directed by Hans Canosa

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover There's no real arguing with Conversations with Other Women–you either buy into its common program of relationship angst and mid-life crisis or you don't. Although director Hans Canosa tries to juice things up with a split-screen technique that's less unctuous than the description might suggest, it's still the same Woody Allen-ish trip through romantic failure via witty banter. There's an extent to which this can be entirely watchable, and at no point does the film grind to a halt and become a chore to sit through. Its concept is a tad far-fetched, however, and the insights gleaned from the chance encounter of two people at a wedding reception are nothing you can't find in the pages of any major glossy mag.

Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)

December 29, 2006****/****, 2000s, 2006, Authors: Walter Chaw, Drama, Fantasy, Mexico, Spain, Theatrical Release, War

****/****
starring Ariadna Gil, Ivana Baquero, Sergi López, Maribel Verdú
written and directed by Guillermo del Toro

by Walter Chaw Brutal and ignoble, the antithesis of romantic, the violence in Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth slaps metal against flesh like the flat of a hand against a steel table. It’s the only element of the picture that isn’t lush, that isn’t laden with the burnished archetype of Catholic superstition as it exists in eternal suspension with the pagan mythologies it cannibalized. By itself, this seems a metaphor for the pain and the magic of how fable turns the inevitability of coming-of-age into ritual. An early scene where hero girl Ofelia (Ivana Baquero)–a storyteller equal parts experientially innocent and allegorically savvy, making her the manifestation of del Toro’s ideal avatar–tells her prenatal brother a story about a rose that blooms nightly on a mountain of thorns touches in one ineffably graceful movement all the picture’s themes of immortality, aspiration, isolation, and the promise of escape held, sadistically, just out of reach. There’s something of the myth of Tantalus in Ofelia’s tale, as much as there is of Lewis Carroll’s Alice and the sagas of parental absence by the Brothers Grimm, which surface in the premise of a young girl traveling, as the film opens, with her pregnant mother into the war-torn Spanish countryside during Franco’s rule to join her wicked stepfather Captain Vidal (Sergi López) at his remote outpost. Ofelia will be reminded repeatedly throughout the film that there’s no such thing as justice or innocence left in the world, and that the best intentions are crushed by cynicism and rage. The question left as the picture closes has to do with whether Ofelia’s taken the lesson to heart, to say nothing of del Toro–or us.

The Year Without a Santa Claus (2006) – DVD

December 21, 20062000s, 2006, Authors: Ian Pugh, Christmas, Comedy, DVD, Family, Musical, ZERO STARS

ZERO STARS/**** Image B- Sound B
starring John Goodman, Ethan Suplee, Delta Burke, Chris Kattan
written by Larry Wilson and Tom Martin, based on the book by Phyllis McGinley
directed by Ron Underwood

by Ian Pugh I’m not really sure how anyone could consider Santa Claus the cure for December commercialism in this day and age, but it appears to be a popular sentiment right now. Before I knew that the network-television abortion The Year Without a Santa Claus existed, I suffered through The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, a film that carries the same awful message in a way that’s worth mentioning. Tricked by Martin Short’s Jack Frost into relinquishing the job of Santa Claus to him, Tim Allen’s Scott Calvin returns to the North Pole to discover that Christmas has become “Frostmas,” an overwrought celebration of capitalism with all the child-screaming and toy-grabbing that implies. With Jack-Santa having literally taken the “Christ” out of Christmas, Tim Allen strangely becomes a surrogate Jesus figure attempting to reclaim his holiday from the money-grubbing fat man of false jolliness, who of course represents the holiday season as we know it in reality. The Santa Clause 3 essentially amounts to an episode of Allen’s sitcom “Home Improvement”, which is to say not only that it’s terrible, but also that its attempt at a metaphor is crude and obvious–come on, Santa Claus saving Christmas from himself? In retrospect, though, I have to admit that its joyfully malevolent predisposition to be such a balls-out hypocrite is a real head-scratcher worthy of further dissection.

Dreamgirls (2006)

December 20, 20062000s, 2006, Authors: Walter Chaw, Drama, Eddie Murphy, Musical, Theatrical Release

**/****
starring Jamie Foxx, Beyoncé Knowles, Eddie Murphy, Danny Glover
screenplay by Bill Condon, based on the play by Tom Eyen
directed by Bill Condon

by Walter Chaw Hailed as one of the more innovatively-staged musicals in the modern pantheon of such entertainments, Dreamgirls, transferred to the big screen, is nothing special in the way of something trying way too hard to dazzle. It’s the plain girl swathed in a gallon of makeup: there’s so much misdirection that you actually try harder to dig up a foundation that can’t bear the scrutiny. Said base for Dreamgirls is of course one of the most successful Broadway musicals (6 Tonys, 1,522 performances) from an era that counts “Les Miz”, Andrew Lloyd Weber’s dreadful operettas, and, what, “A Chorus Line”(?), among its chief rivals. You want to attribute its Broadway success to its spinning stage, choreographed and motorized $3.2M tower set, and coy deconstruction of bitch-goddess Diana Ross and her Supremes, but it’s hard not to wonder if it merely benefits from the relative quality of its competition. Then again, its success is likely the by-product of a fairly consistent mass appetite for cookie-cutter musical biopics, which have been self-satirized to near-total inconsequence first by VH1’s “Behind the Music” series, then to quickly diminishing returns at the multiplex by Ray and Walk the Line.

Sergeant York (1941) [Two-Disc Special Edition] – DVD

December 19, 20061940s, 2006, Authors: Travis Mackenzie Hoover, Biopic, Drama, DVD, Romance, War

***½/**** Image A- Sound A Extras B
starring Gary Cooper, Walter Brennan, Joan Leslie, George Tobias
screenplay by Abem Finkel & Harry Chandlee and Howard Koch & John Huston
directed by Howard Hawks

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover Before it settles into the martial flag-waver it clearly wants to be, Sergeant York is a terrific movie. Its story of Tennessee-born WWI hero Alvin York, heavily supervised by the man himself, is one of not just a military coup, but an evolving conscience as well–and if that conscience eventually cons itself into supporting that most pointless of international conflicts, the film is nevertheless a moving story of personal growth. Though it barely betrays the hand of Howard Hawks (it lacks the team spirit that courses through his oeuvre), the director tells the tale with the kind of conviction and nuance a lesser director couldn’t provide. The movie feels York’s progress from alcoholic ne’er-do-well to industrious would-be farmer and prospective husband, and instead of taking his emotions for granted, it expresses them with a noted lack of condescension.

1900 (1976) [Two-Disc Collector’s Edition] + La Commune (Paris, 1871) (2000) – DVDs

December 18, 2006****/****, 1970s, 2000s, 2006, Authors: Travis Mackenzie Hoover, Drama, DVD, Esoterica, France, Italy, Pseudo-Documentary, Robert De Niro, War, West Germany

1900
**½/**** Image A- Sound B+ Extras B+
starring Robert De Niro, Gerard Depardieu, Dominique Sanda, Francesca Bertini
screenplay by Franco Arcalli, Giuseppe Bertolucci, Bernardo Bertolucci
directed by Bernardo Bertolucci

LA COMMUNE (PARIS, 1871)
****/**** Image B- Sound C+ Extras C+
directed by Peter Watkins

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover In this corner, Bernardo Bertolucci, weighing in with a massive budget courtesy of Alberto Grimaldi and a cast that includes De Niro, Depardieu, Sutherland, Lancaster, Hayden, and Sanda. Over here we have Peter Watkins, working for peanuts on a single soundstage with a cast of nobodies recruited from Paris and its environs. The fight, as it turns out, is more than one over who can make the longest movie (5hrs15mins for Bertolucci, 5hrs45mins for Watkins) or grab the most attention. The issue is: what are the conditions necessary for a revolutionary epic–moreover, what conditions get in the way? This is the real purpose of comparing 1900 and La Commune (Paris, 1871) (hereafter La Commune), for while each film throws down for the Communist cause, only one is conscious of the nuances. Where Watkins and his troupe constantly reframe the idea of what it means to foment revolution, Bertolucci thinks he’s got the idea–and proves, through mindless repetition, that he really doesn’t.

Lady in the Water (2006) + Sympathy for Lady Vengeance (2005)|Lady in the Water [Widescreen Edition] – DVD

December 18, 2006****/****, 2000s, 2005, 2006, Authors: Bill Chambers, Authors: Walter Chaw, Crime, Directors: M. Night Shyamalan, Drama, Fantasy, Mystery, Revenge, South Korea, Theatrical Release, Thriller, ZERO STARS

LADY IN THE WATER
ZERO STARS/**** Image B+ Sound A Extras B-
starring Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard, Bob Balaban, Jeffrey Wright
written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Chinjeolhan geumjassi
****/****
starring Lee Yeong-ae, Choi Min-sik, Kim Shi-hoo, Kwon Yea-young
written and directed by Park Chanwook

by Walter Chaw The creeping, inescapable feeling is that M. Night Shyamalan would like to be known as “M. Christ Shyamalan”: a guy who wants you to drink the Kool-Aid; a messiah with a shrinking flock preaching a platform that his increasingly deluded, astonishingly arrogant fables are actually themselves the secret to world peace. He claims to hear voices–the first couple of times he did so (here in the stray interview, there in The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan, that abhorrent mock-documentary he did for the Sci-Fi Channel), I thought he was kidding. Hell, the first couple of times he did it, he probably was kidding. But I don’t think he’s kidding anymore. And there’s no longer any currency in playing this ethereal shaman card. Prancing about like a mystic while shitting away millions of other people’s money isn’t a pastime with longevity: it’s something only a zealot would do. I think he’s gone off the deep end, hubris first, overfed to bloating on a steady diet of his own press and the tender ministrations of yes-men too afraid to set off Shyamalan’s diseased persecution complex by telling him that while he might be good at a few things, Lady in the Water was unsalvageable. When Disney executives did approximately that, Shyamalan took his ball and went across the street to Warner Brothers.

The Holiday (2006)

December 13, 20062000s, 2006, Authors: Walter Chaw, Christmas, Comedy, Romance, Theatrical Release, ZERO STARS

ZERO STARS/****
starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black
written and directed by Nancy Meyers

by Walter Chaw There are bad movies, and then there are Nancy Meyers movies (first What Women Want, followed by the similarly excrescent Something’s Gotta Give): chick flicks in the most damning, insulting sense of the patronizing term and reason enough to question the wisdom of ever spending money to see a movie. If you go to Meyers’s latest, not only are you about to watch what is easily the worst movie of the year–you’re most likely going to do it in the company of people who’ll actually like it. The Holiday is appallingly written and icky besides in that familiar way of this brand of Love Actually/The Family Stone yuletide romantic refuse, casting Cameron Diaz and Jude Law as lovers fucking away the hours inside a Thomas Kincaid painting while Diaz’s frumpy house-swap buddy, played by Kate Winslet, finds meaning in Santa Monica by propping up a fossil (Eli Wallach) and falling for a James Horner-esque composer of horrible soundtracks (Jack Black). Parliament on the Thames is featured as prominently as the Pacific Coast Highway to underscore either how vacuous the filmmakers are or how stupid they think the audience is, while Hans Zimmer’s soul-sucking, teddy bears-humping score saps away the last hints of credibility anyone has after participating in this gingerbread death march. If the opening voiceover narration by Winslet’s lovelorn Iris isn’t warning enough, consider that the narrative crutch used by Diaz’s emetic movie-trailer editor Amanda is a series of fake movie trailers about Amanda’s romantic imbroglios.

The Venture Bros.: Season One (2003-2004) – DVD

December 13, 20062000s, 2006, Action, Adventure, Animation, Authors: Ian Pugh, Comedy, DVD, Satire, Television

Image B Sound A- Extras C
“Dia de los Dangerous!,” “Careers in Science,” “Mid-Life Chrysalis,” “Eeney, Meeney, Miney… Magic!,” “The Incredible Mr. Brisby,” “Tag Sale–You’re It!,” “Home Insecurity,” “Ghosts of the Sargasso,” “Ice Station–Impossible!,” “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Dean.,” “Past Tense,” “The Trial of the Monarch,” “Return to Spider-Skull Island”

by Ian Pugh Lengthy postmodern discussions about the drug use in “Scooby-Doo” and the sexual habits of the Smurfs dominated the public mind long before Time Warner acquired the Hanna-Barbera catalogue. It was only a logical move, then, that TimeWarner’s Cartoon Network would devote much of its late-night Adult Swim programming block (“Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law”, “Sealab 2021”, and, to a lesser degree, “Robot Chicken”) to taking the old H-B anti-classics and filtering them through the fine mesh screen of a contemporary ironic eye. Look here, we’ve got an old superhero, he’s an attorney now, that’s pretty wacky! Check it out, we’ve turned the straightforward drama of “Sealab 2020” into angry surrealism! It works to varying degrees of success, primarily depending upon the individual show’s (or individual episode’s) willingness to move beyond the inherent ridiculousness of its premise. What can we say, then, when “The Venture Bros.” represents the kids-on-adventures serial “Jonny Quest”, a series centred on a family whose surname is a literal synonym for the characters being parodied? Are we meant to gasp when brilliant über-dad Dr. Benton Quest becomes Dr. Thaddeus “Rusty” Venture (voiced by Henry Fool’s James Urbaniak), an ignorant pill-popper, negligent of his teenage sons Hank (co-creator Jackson Publick) and Dean (Michael Sinterniklaas)? Or when bodyguard/second father figure Race Bannon becomes Brock Samson (Patrick Warburton), an emotionally-detected psychopath?

Fantasia Festival ’26: Home Bodies; Godhead; Insectasy

The Samurai and the Prisoner (2026)

Fantasia Festival ’26: Colony