by Bill Chambers
BEST PICTURE
The Big Short = sure
Bridge of Spies = um…
Brooklyn = yay
Mad Max: Fury Road = yay
The Martian = always nice to see a musical comedy get nominated
The Revenant = sometimes you eat the bear…
Room = whatevs
Spotlight = yay
BEST ACTOR
Bryan Cranston, Trumbo = EGOT what I need
Matt Damon, The Martian = I liked when he ran out of ketchup
Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant = …and sometimes the bear eats you
Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs = yay
Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl = barf
BEST ACTRESS
Cate Blanchett, Carol = automatic for the people
Brie Larson, Room = yay
Jennifer Lawrence, Joy = illegally parked in Charlize’s spot
Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years = yay!
Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn = yay!
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christian Bale, The Big Short = glass-eye theatre
Tom Hardy, The Revenant = whatevs
Mark Ruffalo, Spotlight = yay, though I was rooting for Schreiber
Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies = sure
Sylvester Stallone, Creed = not enough yays in the world
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight = yay
Rooney Mara, Carol = category fraud
Rachel McAdams, Spotlight = wtf
Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl = yay
Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs = don’t thank your accent coach
DIRECTING
Adam McKay – The Big Short = over Crowley?!
George Miller – Mad Max: Fury Road = yay
Alejandro G. Iñárritu – The Revenant = Most Director
Lenny Abrahamson – Room = over Haynes?!
Tom McCarthy – Spotlight = whatevs
ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Anomalisa = yay
Boy and the World = have not seen
Inside Out = ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Shaun the Sheep Movie = yay
When Marnie Was There = have not seen; I AM ONLY ONE MAN
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The Big Short = I learned a lot, but c’mon
Brooklyn = yay
Carol = sure
The Martian = whatevs
Room = ugh
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Bridge of Spies = would it help?
Ex Machina = yay-ish
Inside Out = for the cat scene, I presume
Spotlight = sure
Straight Outta Compton = lol
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Carol = yay
The Hateful Eight = yay
Mad Max: Fury Road = yay
The Revenant = fisheye please
Sicario = Susan Lucci eat your heart out
For the full list of nominees, visit The Oscars.
