*½/****
starring Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Josh Pais, Hale Appleman
written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein
by Alex Jackson I was very excited when I first stumbled upon the notion of the vagina dentata, as it provides for a distinctly female version of sexual aggression: Unlike the male rape drive, it's not about power, it's about taking power away from men–cannibalism and castration. I should have known that Mitchell Lichtenstein's Teeth would not be the film to really explore this notion as soon as I learned that it's literally about a teenage girl who discovers she has teeth in her vaginal cavity. Lichtenstein isn't particularly interested in exploring the possibilities of this material as a horror film, instead using it as a comeuppance fantasy against male chauvinistic pigs, gaining easy points through cheap femi-Nazi misandry. (The credits actually joke that "No men were harmed during the making of this film.") The film underlines the symbolism, match-cutting a celibacy promise ring with a state-mandated sticker concealing a diagram of the female genitalia. At one point, the heroine even reads a description of the vagina dentata mythology on a website. This is condescending to the audience while glibly derisive of the mythology itself, which we learn represents the mysteries of femininity the male hero must inevitably conquer and destroy. Fine–except Lichtenstein never adequately thinks how this must work from the woman's point of view. He has her "conquer and destroy" the male hero and preserve the mystery of femininity. This isn't enough, as it only defines the sex act in male terms. You see, it doesn't bother me that every man she meets tries to rape her–but it bothers me that Lichtenstein has her castrate her rapists purely out of revenge and not out of her own selfish pleasure. She doesn't get off on cutting their dicks off; they're simply getting their just desserts. Already using very dangerous material for his very first feature, the openly gay Lichtenstein digs himself in further by refusing to show the female genitalia, teeth or not, outside of the aforementioned textbook–a move that confines the vagina to the unknown and prevents the character from ever developing her own sexual identity. Call me prejudiced, but this isn't a universal human story, it's a story that explicitly revolves around straight sex. Having a gay director tell it is kind of like having Spike Lee direct Ordinary People.
