**/**** Image A- Sound B+ Extras C-
starring Alex Winter, Randy Quaid, William Sadler, Megan Ward
screenplay by Tim Burns & Tom Stern & Alex Winter
directed by Tom Stern & Alex Winter
by Travis Mackenzie Hoover I suppose it wouldn't take much to turn Freaked into a masterpiece–simply a viewer at the right age, watching it in the right dorm room, smoking the right amount of dope from the right Homer Simpson bong. Alas, those who watch the film straight and out of college are in for a rough ride. Despite the enthusiastic efforts of co-creators Tom Stern and Alex Winter (also the film's star), there's no denying that Freaked is a dog's breakfast of witless wit and sub-Fellini grotesquerie that's more assaulting than amusing. While I can give points for not being a character-building snooze like many a Hollywood comedy, there's simply too little intelligence here for it to become something substantial, leaving you stranded in a dated haze of DayGlo colours and the idea that walking Rastafarian eyeballs is the last word in hilarious.
The former Bill S. Preston, Esq. casts himself to type as a hot young actor led into an ill-advised misadventure. Winter's Ricky Coogin decides to plug a highly toxic fertilizer called Zygrot-24, dragging with him lecherous buddy Ernie (Michael Stoyanov); after picking up a belligerent environmentalist, Julie (Megan Ward), the three take the proverbial wrong turn at Albuquerque into a freakshow headed by Elijah C. Skuggs (Randy Quaid), where they're lured into a back room, strapped to a table, and transformed into hideous creatures using the very same Zygrot-24. You'd think this would lead to some soul-searching, but mostly it segues directly into cheap shots and a whole lot of giant nose hairs and farting with flames.
Cheap shots I can accept, but manufactured weirdness is another matter. Though Winter and Stern mention Python and MAD MAGAZINE in their commentary track on the DVD release of Freaked, those whack-job exemplars had a program: to destroy the hypocrisy of high culture and straight normalcy, respectively. By comparison, Freaked doesn't have nearly enough of a program: it limply invokes corporate corruption as a means of indulging in some very basic class-clown gross-outs. Despite a few inspired makeup designs (kudos, Screaming Mad George), the conception of the film is laden with lazy swipes at feminists and other stuff that wouldn't be out of place in the lowliest Porky's rip-off. Even as it's slapping you repeatedly with alleged weirdness, the imagery is torpedoed by its safe, frat-house mentality. The picture's content to flick boogers rather than do anything genuinely subversive.
I will begrudgingly admit that Freaked has appeal as junior-high surrealism–that is, as something a 13-year-old (or a stoned liberal arts student) unschooled in the ways of genuine weirdness will think is just about the wildest thing he's ever seen. To such individuals, I recommend its throw-it-against-the-wall, see-if-it-bursts-into-flames approach, especially if discovered under ideal circumstances, i.e., while channel-surfing half-asleep after midnight. But there's not enough real eccentricity here for viewers of experience, and the film finally feels more forced than inspired. Of course, connoisseurs of the stoopid will find much with which to amuse themselves–preferably while zonked on weed, when they can't do anybody any harm.
Anchor Bay's 2-disc set (!) is only slightly lacking. The 1.83:1, 16×9-enhanced transfer is moderately oversaturated, with a bit too much glow on the film's intense colours, though fine detail is extremely sharp to compensate. The Dolby Digital 5.1 remix is, however, fairly standard, without any serious surround fireworks or punchy effects cues to really step things up from the alternative 2.0 Surround option.
Nobody told me that Freaked's cult was such that it could merit a deluxe package loaded with useless extras–not that I would have believed it if someone had. Lucky fans, here's what you get:
DISC ONE
Commentary with Alex Winter and Tom Stern
Here the filmmakers actually prove more entertaining and fascinating than the movie itself. They detail the sad story of how Freaked was the victim of a regime change at Fox (the incoming chief bluntly told Winter's agent they were going to bury it), the endless suffering at the hands of uncomfortable prostheses, and their modus operandi in melding the vulgar modernist comedy canon into one movie. A tad ungenerous to their less senior production members, but I'll take what I can get.
"Hijinx in Freekland" (11 mins.)
Basically a cut-up reel of actors and crewmembers saying vulgar things, joking about their makeup, and humping various mutant animals. Mr. T steals the show with a fellow cast member who does a wicked impression.
Conversation with Tim Burns (21 mins.)
The only screenwriter to not have had a hand in the direction details his involvement with the production, which ranges from labouring on a script he never believed would be produced to donning a frogman costume that was hot and uncomfortable (with a heavy tank on the back). This veers from funny to irritating, with Burns improvising wildly on being Canadian ("a form of dementia") and the black hole into which the film was dropped. Although he's not bad at dry wit, neither is he consistently funny.
Deleted Scenes Reel (7 mins.)
Two full-screen scenes left out of the final cut: "Wheel of Fortune," in which freak leader Ortiz the Dog Boy (an unbilled Keanu Reeves) leaves Ricky out of an escape plan while playing the famous game, and "Farewell to the Freeks," wherein Ricky says goodbye to the freaks he's about to kill on stage by saying "Ich bin ein freak!" Strangely, these wouldn't have been bad in the final cut, where they might've imposed real plot on the disorganized scramble.
Freaked Art Gallery
A selection of concept drawings, real and proposed ad images, and storyboards for one rather rude scene. Notable for the insane detail on the concept art and the variation on a theme for the marketing materials.
Rounding out the disc is a DVD-ROM version of the screenplay plus the film's trailer and pre-menu trailers for three other titles Anchor Bay recently leased from Fox: Modern Problems, License to Drive, and Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry.
DISC TWO
"Freaked: The Reehersel Version" (83 mins.)
What's the only thing worse than a loud, mediocre comedy? A loud, mediocre comedy in dress rehearsal: Satisfying the curiosity of perhaps eleven people, we are treated to a complete walk-through of the film. Denuded of the crazed design (and situated in what must be the blandest building ever built), there's not a whole lot to look at. My advice is to skip it altogether.
"There Are No Weirdos Here!" (5 mins.)
If you must indulge in rehearsal madness, I recommend this far shorter collection of scenes rehearsed in the same beige hellhole as the full run-through. No big surprises here, either, but at least it's not the extended trial of the full version.
"It's the Troll!" (3 mins.)
What? You can't get enough rehearsing? Then feast your eyes on this exploration of the young-fan character Stuey Gluck, played with reckless abandon by a red-headed kid in a tie-dye T-Shirt named Alex Zuckerman as he goes through his lines (or maybe auditions) for various scenes.
"Under Construkshen" (3 mins.)
Video footage of the building of future Lords of Dogtown helmer Catherine Hardwicke's impressive Freak Land set–which ought to be interesting but isn't, because nobody's seen doing anything more impressive than painting it.
"Behold the Beast Boy!" (7 mins.)
Alex Winter gets made-up as the monster in question while Aerosmith selections play on a CD deck in the background. Somewhat more interesting than the construction segment, since we can see a process here–but some explanation behind both would have gone a long way.
Squeal of Death (15 mins.)
A pathetic nerd (Winter) acquires a gun and goes on a ludicrous crime rampage in one of two student films perpetrated by the directors. In terms of aggression and visual noise, this makes Freaked look like A Man Escaped, with the added drawback of inept student technique. Very difficult to watch without cringing.
"NYU Sight & Sound Project" (1 mins.)
A brief exercise instituted by the good folks at that good school, involving a man on a bench (Winter again) and a possible flasher. Inoffensive, yet like my own first-year film-school efforts, it's unclear as to why it needs to be seen.
80 minutes; PG-13; 1.83:1 (16×9-enhanced); English DD 5.1, English Dolby Surround; CC; 2 DVD-9s; Region One; Anchor Bay
