The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004) [Widescreen] – DVD

*/**** Image B+ Sound B+ Extras C-
starring Anne Hathaway, Heather Matarazzo, John Rhys-Davies, Julie Andrews
screenplay by Shonda Rhimes
directed by Garry Marshall

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover I had rather hoped that my previous DVD tussle with Garry Marshall, on the subject of his The Princess Diaries, would be my last. But here it is five months later, and I'm stuck with the unenviable task of a) watching and b) working up the enthusiasm to write about The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, which is, if anything, worse than the not-so-original original. Again we have a hypocritical be-yourself message for people whose self is largely determined by what they see on the Disney channel, a horrible white-on-tan colour scheme, graceless design, and shallow characterizations–in other words, everything that made the first film such a chore to sit through. But where The Princess Diaries felt complete in its cornball wish-fulfillment, The Princess Diaries 2 is clearly an afterthought made to wring more cash out of impressionable tweens. You and I are smarter than that; one of us should flee in terror.

Now a college graduate, unlikely princess Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway) is back in Genovia to assume the throne. Unfortunately for her, the scheming Viscount Mabrey (John Rhys-Davies), angling to install his nephew Nicholas (Chris Pine) as king, invokes an archaic law stating that all Genovian queens must be married to rule. Thus Mia has 30 days to find a suitable man, a process Mabrey attempts to sabotage by sending Nicholas in to woo her away from the nice-guy Brit who accepts the job. But wouldn't you know it, Nicholas falls in love right back, throwing a spanner in the works of his uncle's plan. Will Mabrey succeed? Will Mia abdicate? Are you kidding me?

That the wispy plot would barely support a 30-minute sitcom makes its padding to 113 minutes a trifle baffling, but if the film knows nothing else, it knows how to tread water, dodging the story with cheesy vignettes showing how great it is to be a princess if you're a girl with zero imagination. During a tour through Mia's monstrously large closet, we discover that she is not only Queen but also a dullard with no taste, and an all-princess slumber party at which Mia's grandmother and Genovia's current monarch, Queen Clarisse (Julie Andrews, repaying the deal with the Devil that landed her The Sound of Music), has a horrific duet with Disney star Raven. The Princess Diaries 2 doesn't realize that Mia's alternative to the stuffy world of royalty is just as drab and joyless, causing much audience discomfort as a result.

Once you appreciate the film's aesthetic timidity and determination to keep its audience on the closed circuit of commercialized self-definition, you've exhausted everything interesting about it. The only further note of interest comes in the DVD commentary, where Marshall insists that he's looking to give positive roles to women–although The Princess Diaries 2 insists on Mia defining herself away from a male, she's strictly a marshmallow tailored to appease those with such a limited concept of femininity as to feel threatened by Ani DiFranco types. Call me crazy, but the perpetrator of Pretty Woman has a few issues to work out: he gives with one hand and takes away with the other, granting a girl's fantasy wishes while ensuring they remain fantasies. Women who gain something other than by accident have no place in his films, limiting them in ways that go beyond Marshall's indifferent technique.

THE DVD
Disney's DVD rendering of this travesty is neither here nor there. Though the 1.85:1, 16×9-enhanced image* is as chromatically vibrant as we've come to expect from a Marshall effort, fine detail, especially towards the centre of the frame, is middling at best. Despite sounding sharp and clear, the Dolby Digital 5.1 audio is similarly shrug-worthy.

Extras break down as follows:

A Julie and Garry Commentary
Ever-enthusiastic Marshall and long-suffering Andrews contribute a commentary somehow worse than the Marshall-only track on The Princess Diaries: it's basically a showdown between the director's statements of the obvious and remarks from the actress on the flower arrangements. Those expecting insight should look elsewhere.

Making a Return Engagement (15 mins.)
An unctuous and affected Raven hosts this unexciting, uninformative making-of. We discover that Genovia was created entirely in Burbank, that everyone enjoyed working together, and that the disc's producers have no shame about morphing a production featurette into an ad for the soundtrack.

"Breakaway" Music Video by Kelly Clarkson
The erstwhile American Idol sings a song that plays much like the princess fantasy of the movie, with a small-town girl dreaming of big-time stardom. Not for fans of Marilyn Manson.

The PD2 Makeover (11 mins.)
Hathaway's double Anna Curtis is prettified just like Mia is in the movie in such excruciating detail, we're defied to actually give a damn. I didn't.

Find Your Inner Princess – A Personality Quiz
A Q&A that asks whether you're a snobby princess or a scrappy princess. The nadir of the special features, insulting to even the audience at which it's aimed.

Deleted Scenes
Eight elisions featuring commentary by Marshall, who admits to severely underestimating the audience's intelligence. Most of these are superfluous, though a few of them, such as a scene where Chris Pine cooks for Hathaway and another involving the vagaries of Genovian parliament, would have provided some respite from the ultimate banality of the film.

Royal Bloopers (4 mins.)
As a wise man once wrote, those who like this sort of thing will find it the sort of thing they like.

Trailers for Bambi: Special Edition, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Young Black Stallion, Where the Red Fern Grows, Mary Poppins 40^th Anniversary Edition, and Mulan II round out the platter.

113 minutes; G; 1.85:1 (16×9-enhanced); English DD 5.1, French DD 5.1; CC; French, Spanish subtitles; DVD-9; Region One; Disney