The Princess Diaries (2001) [Special Edition – 2-Disc Collector’s Set] – DVD

*½/**** Image A- Sound B+ Sound B-
starring Anne Hathaway, Heather Matarazzo, Hector Elizondo, Mandy Moore
screenplay by Gina Wendkos, based on the novel by Meg Cabot
directed by Garry Marshall

by Travis Mackenzie Hoover Mention the word "movies" and you're generally deluged with syrupy talk of "dreams" and "fantasy" and "adventure" and all that jazz, yet no matter how much you see this as the devalued coin of our entertainment-journalism realm, you have to admit that this image means an awful lot to an awful lot of people. The least a pop movie can do is live up to such reverence and be a holy object worthy of some worship, marshalling all the beauty and craft that has generally been Hollywood cinema's one redeeming virtue. But somehow, movies that dishonour this basic pact with the audience not only get made, but also ring the box-office bell to the tune of $108-million–that's how much The Princess Diaries managed to rake in during its 2001 theatrical run, despite the fact that it's as beautiful and dreamlike as a sheet of particle board. Once again, I am left with the dilemma: should I hate the filmmakers for generating this slop, or should I blame the audience for swilling it with pleasure?

The plot should have guaranteed at least some picture-making razzle-dazzle–it's about becoming a princess, for crying out loud. The royal lady in question is San Francisco native Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway), who labours under the misapprehension that she is just the frizzy-haired dork daughter of a flighty single mother (Caroline Goodall). Little does she know that her long-lost father was crown prince of Genovia, and that his recent death has left a power vacuum that can only be filled by a legitimate heir. In light of such events, Mia's grandmother, Queen Clarissa Renaldi (Julie Andrews), hightails it to San Fran, only to be faced with a granddaughter who is as graceless and un-regal as she is unwilling to assume the throne. Thus the game is afoot to a) give Mia some royal street cred, b) deal somehow with the tidal wave of unwanted publicity, and c) build her self-esteem for her walks through the blackboard jungle. Any guesses on how it all turns out?

Granted, this is not the stuff of masterpieces, but as wish-fulfilment for girls it should do the trick quite nicely. As far as the film's look is concerned, it would give pleasure only to those individuals who buy Gucci handbags despite their hideousness–it's a fantasy of pricey things, not of beautiful things. The supposedly-alluring world of the Queen is like the lobby of a luxury hotel you'd never want to stay in, big on oppressively pricey decor and low on actual aesthetic value; after a while, you feel assaulted by the featureless white-on-tan colour scheme and the insipidly tasteful furnishings. The movie is a ping-pong tournament between Mia's classically mundane world and the Queen's luxuriously mundane world, a sport as exciting as watching a TV tuned to a dead channel.

There is, of course, much talk about being yourself and saying what you think and spurning the cool kids–after all, Mia must choose between her nerdy best friend Heather Matarazzo and the evil but popular Mandy Moore. But who are they kidding? This is a film by Garry Marshall, the least eccentric director in Hollywood, and he's aimed it squarely at boring conformist teens probably incapable of spelling "Siouxsie and the Banshees." As such, it flatters the audience for identifying with the "different" girl while giving them nothing that could possibly qualify as different–a hypocritical stance that's an insult to every outsider ever to pass sullenly through high school. The dreams of the people who lapped this up–as they lapped up Marshall's similarly questionable Pretty Woman (which, if you substitute prostitute for gawky teenager, is practically the same movie)–are shallow and non-specific: they don't want to imagine someplace new, they want an escape to somewhere that's exactly like a daydream of where they came from. Think bigger.

THE DVD
Disney reissues The Princess Diaries in a THX-certified, 2-Disc Collector's DVD, with the full-frame version on disc one and a 1.85:1, 16×9-enhanced widescreen version on the other. Despite the SE sound and fury, the presentation isn't all that spectacular: while the image is generally quite good, sporting excellent fine detail, the effort is largely wasted on the film's bland palette. Meanwhile, the Dolby Digital 5.1 audio doesn't make terribly vivid use of surround channels, save for a Mandy Moore song that's undeserving of the royal treatment in the first place.

Extras break down as follows:

DISC ONE

"A New Princess" Featurette (24 mins.)
Anne Hathaway hosts this making-of documentary in which we go behind the scenes and see what being directed by Garry Marshall is really like. Though it's the usual everyone-was-just-so-wonderful blather in the earlygoing, the doc does actually mount a pretty good case for working on a Marshall picture: the director seems a friendly and thoughtful individual keen on keeping good relations with the cast and crew. The warmth generated by this featurette is actually more genuine and potent than anything within the film itself.

Deleted Scenes
Eight scenes that hit the cutting room floor, introduced by the ever-personable Marshall. Once again, he's more engaging than the Princess Diaries clips.

Music Video: "Miracles Happen"
Singer Myra belts out a song. The usual teenage fluff.

Music Video: "Supergirl"
Krystal Harris sings more teen teenage fluff. Nothing special, though not bad as far as these things go.

Trailers for The Incredibles, Ella Enchanted, the Mary Poppins Special Edition, and the Disney Princess collection round out disc one.

DISC TWO

The Ultimate Tea Party: Audio Commentary with Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway
Andrews and Hathaway record a surprisingly lively yak-track under the guise of an English high tea. Hathaway is the more loquacious of the two, and she's remarkably articulate. No heavily technical information is given away, but the impression of working on the film is vividly felt.

Audio Commentary with Garry Marshall
Hands down, the worst commentary ever committed to DVD. Marshall's understanding of filmmaking is so basic and his exploration of themes so elementary that you marvel his status as the veteran of a dozen films. His jokes are also really, really bad–and who cares how many frickin' cats were used?

Royal Engagement: A Princess Diaries 2 Sneak Peek (5 mins.)
A warm-up for the new sequel, hosted by Hathaway and Andrews. Mostly plot teasers and meagre behind-the-scenes footage, it will no doubt whet a fan's appetite.

Livin' Like a Princess (3 mins.)
An abbreviated and highly questionable history lesson about princesses and their duties. Apparently it's not all it's cracked up to be–just like this featurette.

Outtakes and Bloopers (4 mins.)
The usual hilarity in the usual format. Most notable for a day of shooting ruined by passing airplanes.

DVD-ROM Features
Various and sundry digital annoyances, including, in addition to several Disney promotional weblinks, a slideshow of pictures from the production, a screensaver comprised of cast photos, and "Printable Fun" consisting of a word search, two certificates of royalty, a fold-in picture of Hathaway, and a tiara.

Rounding out the package: a coupon for $7 off the price of admission to see The Princess Diaries 2 (U.S. residents only, I'm afraid) and a booklet of Disney promotions and discounts. The same trailers found on disc one start up automatically upon insertion of the second platter.

115 minutes; G; 1.85:1 (16×9-enhanced), 1.33:1; English DD 5.1, French DD 5.1; CC; French, Spanish subtitles; 2 DVD-9s; Region One; Disney