"In the beginning of the world, the earth and the sky were one creature, and it was the hardest thing to tear them apart. They loved each other so much, and that's why it rains, because the earth and the sky are always trying to get back together."

That's as reasonable an explanation for precipitation as I've ever heard. It comes to us in voice over at the start of The Eternal, from a little girl roaming a misty Irish forest in her golashes. The music, the images, the narration, everything about this sequence is sensational.

Yet the prologue in question is irrelevant to the rest of the movie. From the demoiselle staring at her reflection in a puddle, director Michael Almereyda dissolves to a soused couple named Jim (Jared Harris) and Nora (Alison Elliot) in celebration at an amusement park. They are often this way--drunk--and when Nora begins to suffer severe dizzy spells, the two go cold turkey on booze--a capricious commitment, given their upcoming trip to Ireland. But The Eternal isn't dealing with addicts trying to dry out, either; no, the story chooses to focus on, from about the half-hour mark until the closing credits, the resurrection of a two-thousand year old druid in the form of Nora.

This is a shame, as the horrors of alcoholism are far more potent than the scares Almereyda has imagined; I guess I shouldn't have expected Leaving Las Vegas from a film subtitled "Kiss of the Mummy." The Eternal's highlights are few and far between: Christopher Walken, who sounds as though he learned his bróg studying "Lucky Charms" commercials and showering with Irish Spring, is fascinating as always as the near-blind Uncle Bill, and his appearance is disappointingly brief. Harris, son of famous dipsomaniac Richard Harris, is also engaging, and the soundtrack is appealingly bleak.

Almereyda's use of Fisher Price Pixelvision for subjective camera shots distinguished his last feature, the "Dracula" hommage Nadja. His bag of tricks is empty this time around, unless you count duping promising talent (Elliot, Harris) and genre veterans (Walken, Lois Smith) to act out one of the dullest bad screenplays ever written. The Eternal and its villain creep along so dilatorily that I wasn't surprised to find out it debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival under the name Trance. This is one of those aimless fright flicks in which characters stand around screaming at the very sight of the static monster instead of attacking it or running away--the entire third act plays like an extended version of the steamroller gag from the original Austin Powers. I'm bored just remembering it.

Considering that it went straight-to-video in the U.S., I am mystified but nonetheless pleased by Trimark's widescreen, 16x9 enhanced, full-on Dolby Digital DVD treatment of The Eternal. This transfer is good--some of the exteriors look blotchy, but the interiors are incredibly detailed. (The majority of the film takes place inside an amber-lit castle.) Few, if any, compression artifacts are detectable at any point during this top-drawer presentation. The subtle, eerie 5.1 audio mix meanwhile has great range; there is a decent amount of low end throughout. I noticed some distortion in the grunge-y opening tune--perhaps this represents an artistic decision and not a sound glitch. The disc's additional features are The Eternal's enticing trailer and skimpy cast and crew bios.-Bill Chambers