Retooling the Muppet mythology for the umpteenth time, The Muppets Take Manhattan begins at a community college, where Kermit and co. have just finished performing a revue called "Manhattan Melodies." The audience is far more generous than the Broadway producers to whom they subsequently pitch the show; feeling like a burden to their green capitan, Kermit's cuddly pals go their separate ways, leaving him to struggle alone in the Big Apple (he gets a job at a diner, working alongside rats), a screenwriting faux pas: this group doesn't scatter, it swarms. From thereon in, appearances by the likes of Gonzo and Rowlf the Dog are isolated in vignettes.

Things get more subversive when Kermit is hit by a car on his way home from finally selling the play. The camera cranes up for a familiar bird's eye view of the accident, wherein we see Kermit's writhing form; it's not as disturbing as it sounds, but it gives you an idea of The Muppets Take Manhattan's joylessness. The film gains in wit after that (actually, just prior, when we see the contents of Miss Piggy's purse: some lipstick, a hacksaw...), with an amnesia-suffering Kermit naming himself "Phil" and getting a job at an ad agency run by "Gil, Bill, and Jill," but most of what precedes this plot point is staid and too much of what follows it is simultaneously unfulfilling and incredulous. I know that the presence of Muppets excuses a lot, but how exactly does one manage to mount a Broadway spectacle in the span of two weeks and sufficiently advertise it and rehearse it to perfection sans the star performer? (I say spectacle because the stage, at one point, expands to roughly the size of The Sistine Chapel for an unmotivated wedding number.)

I almost forgot: the cameos. Many children from my generation were introduced to our parents' idols via the guest list of TV's "The Muppet Show" and the Muppets' first two cinematic outings, Movie (my earliest memory of James Coburn) and The Great Muppet Caper (ditto Peter Ustinov). The Muppets Take Manhattan's celeb line-up is typical of the mid-eighties' invasive pop culture; the folks who were everywhere are here as well, including Joan Rivers, Brooke Shields, Dabney Coleman, and Gregory Hines. They further cheapen an underdone effort, and there just isn't enough to significantly redeem proceedings. No, not even the infamous, well-executed 'Muppet Babies' fantasy sequence, which is oodles more charming than the cartoon series it spawned. I'm one of the biggest Muppet/Henson fans around, and that's why I feel permitted and qualified to critcize The Muppets Take Manhattan--true fans aren't afraid to demand par.

Columbia Tri-Star's DVD release of The Muppets Take Manhattan is strong. The image is presented two ways on opposite layers: 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen or standard 1.33:1--a genuine pan-and-scan travesty. (One speculates that the Muppet films are shot hard-matte in order to provide absolute boundaries for the puppeteers.) Both transfers look clean and vivid, in sharp contrast, I'm told, to The Muppet Movie's DVD. Black level is superior on each. The 2.0 mono soundmix is a disappointment since I grew up with the songs in stereo on vinyl--or it would be if I liked the music. An intriguing interview with Henson circa 1984 is divvied up into fourteen titled segments; the remaining bonus material is not as special: three "Muppetisms" (juvenile, pseudo-inspirational PSAs) and trailers for The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland, Buddy, and Muppets from Space. Nope, The Muppets Take Manhattan's own preview didn't make the cut.-Bill Chambers