Past her Lolita prime, Bundy daughter Kelly (Christina Applegate) became engaged to the fugitive boyfriend of loser-brother Bud's jailbound pen 'gal'; invented an ingestible hair tonic ("Bleen") that gave her father, Al (Ed O'Neill), a cascading Fabio 'do, the unfortunate side-effect of the drug that it made men want to sleep with their wives and only their wives; and adopted a pet turkey. Bud (David Faustino) became engaged to Al's boss, Gary (a woman with a man's name); collared his father with a device that electrocuted him every time he attempted to leave the basement; and hired Kelly to be his masseuse. Peg (Katey Sagal), Bud and Kelly's mother, Al's wife, invited her (unseen) obese mother to live with the Bundys; ensconced in the guest bedroom, Peg's mom promptly started up a phone-sex line. Al went to literal Hell, where he was forced to play a football game in which the souls of his family members were at stake; failed to notice that his co-worker had been mistakenly put on Death Row--a subplot that spanned several half-hours; and joined the army for a chance to eat with regularity.

The abovementioned episodes weren't always funny, but they were weird and subversive. O'Neill's performance, always the most successful element of "Married With Children", was the live-action embodiment of Homer Simpson by the final season, a crackly-timed paean to the status quo slummer, a man who's so busy spouting inanities that he fails to recognize his true calling as a comedian. Applegate's work also improved as the character, like Mallory Keaton before her, lost brain cells to the writers' need for a sitting duck.

This is all fruitless prelude to a rundown of Columbia Tri-Star's "Married With Children: The Most Outrageous Episodes, Vol. 1", which will not only irritate fans for offering an inadequate number of episodes (five--four if you count the two-parter as one segment), but also irritates this fan for stretching the term "outrageous." Sure, the usual quota of toilet jokes is met, there is ceaseless discussion of sex in the basest of terms, and Kelly wears the sort of outfits you don't often see on television--and the medium is worse for it. But no episodes beyond the eighth season, before the show's creators had figured out the true meaning of the word "outrageous," were selected for inclusion. And why "Sanford and Son" rates season-by-season collections but the equally socially relevant (or irrelevant, as it were) "Married With Children" thus far does not is an unsolved mystery; targeted at the Springer crowd, I think this disc will sell below expectations simply because it is so arbitrary.

"Married With Children: The Most Outrageous Episodes" contains:
A Dump of My Own (3.5) - Al buys a Ferguson toilet as the first step in building himself the perfect bathroom. Asked by Peg why he displays more affection for his toilet than for his wife, Al replies, "Because it has a job." Incidentally, Ferguson is a real manufacturer of bathroom fixtures. B+

You Better Shop Around, Parts 1 & 2 (5.21/22) - In lieu of installing air-conditioning, the Bundys move into a grocery store to beat the summer heat. There, they compete against next-door neighbour Marcy (Amanda Bearse) for a $1000 shopping spree. "Leave It To Beaver"'s Jerry Mathers guest stars, the script embarrasses him, he embarrasses himself, and the cornier-than-usual premise is a transparent Sweeps-week ploy. Bleh. D+

No Chicken, No Check (8.6) - A great set-up goes afoul (har-har): Bud and Kelly buy a used car and Al scrimps on insurance by registering it as a farm vehicle, thus requiring that the children drive with a chicken in the backseat at all times. The absurdism that would become the hallmark of subsequent seasons is in utero here with a dog-vision gag, but as a whole, the piece is predictable to the max. B-

I'll See You In Court (a.k.a. The Lost Episode) (no airdate) - Too-hot-for-TV back in the eighties, this sex romp seems utterly quaint now. Al and Peg discover that the horny couples staying at the Hop On Inn are being videotaped; among the exploited are Marcy and her husband Steve (David Garrison), who represents his wife plus Mr. & Mrs. Bundy in a $1M lawsuit against the sleazy motel. Never trust the hype. C+

Episodes vary in image quality depending on their recency. Originated on videotape, they are presented in fullscreen transfers that, overall, look better than their broadcast counterparts and boast of surprisingly stout Dolby Surround soundtracks to match. (Aside: the Fox "in stereo where available" message was permanently burned onto the opening titles.) A 1-minute commercial (bearing the misleading label "A Salute to Sinatra") for the new CD "The Complete Frank Sinatra" in addition to a trailer for The Sweetest Thing (in which Applegate co-stars) finish out a disappointing DVD.-Bill Chambers

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