Without a doubt, my favourite sleight of hand in Army of Darkness is the quick disappearing act of Bridget Fonda. How on Earth did Sam Raimi convince this then-rising talent, who had just completed starring roles in The Godfather Part III, Single White Female, and Scandal, to appear in a non-speaking cameo for which she receives eighth billing? (Her total screen time: twenty-one seconds.)

Raimi has Fonda work a cash register, smile at an offscreen beau, exit an automobile, and scream at the camera. Stand-in stuff. But she's even more marginalized in Lake Placid: director Steve Miner, in conjunction with its famous screenwriter, David E. Kelley, asks her to feign a breakup and subsequently hyperventilate, make lame pop-culture references, bemoan life outside the Big City, and fall for a Fish and Game ranger because he's, well, there. Yes, it's "Ally McBeal" Goes Camping, courtesy of that show's overworked creator. One of these roles, the most recent of the two, is beneath plucky Bridget--Aunt Jane had it better in Barbarella. The other's a footnote in a spotty acting career.

How do I loathe Lack Placid? Let me count the ways:

1. The film unsuccessfully combines two sub-genres, the 'camping trip' horror and the 'hungry monster' movie. One gets the feeling that Kelley is out to thumb his nose at both, and if that's the case, why bother? The terrible Alien Xerox Deepstar Six is better than Lake Placid for this reason and this reason alone: it wants to scare us. It doesn't wave its arms in the air after we complain about a singular lack of chills, thrills, and spills and say, "Hey, we weren't out to frighten you in the first place. We just wanted to get a bunch of name actors together and make fun of that which you paid money to see."
2. In Kelley World, women with good careers make for objects of ridicule. Fonda plays Kelly (!), a paleontologist with no archeological instincts whatsoever. (She is miffed at having to sleep in a tent!) Most offensively, Kelly has the nerve to ask Maine locals if they'll pull a Deliverance on her ass, in so many words.
3. Oliver Platt is Lake Placid's bona fide comic relief, but he comes off as more repulsive than a lounge act. His character has choppered in to see a giant killer croc for himself; he whiles away off-hours by cracking wise--sample: "Did Kelly tell you we once had sex?" He's fibbing. Comedy genius!
4. The crocodile isn't very intimidating. He or she swallows bears (!) and cows whole, yet he or she always leaves pieces of the human victims untouched. Once you realize the creature is less 'fonda' men and women than the ursine and bovine, our heroes' struggle becomes a mere game of avoidance.
5. This is the second so-called thriller I've seen this week in which Bill Pullman stands around with nothing to do. Forget Lake Placid. Forget Brokedown Palace. For that matter, forget While You Were Sleeping. Rent Zero Effect.

Listen: the CGI effects are pretty. So is Bridget Fonda. And Brendan Gleeson, the Irish star of John Boorman's underappreciated The General, does a bang-up American accent. But Lake Placid goes in one ear and out the other, as they say, and annoys along the way. Don't take my advice--simply read the cover art: "This year's Anaconda!"

The F/X in Army of Darkness are also something to behold--better than Lake Placid's, say I, and they were achieved without the assistance of a computer. Unfortunately, the film is little else than a spectacular KNB Group demo reel. Perhaps its creators' biggest misstep is in thinking that wacky skeletons are more amusing than the flesh and blood antics of Bruce Campbell, Raimi's brick-jawed alter ego, who worms in a smattering of brilliantly funny takes before blending into the mayhem of an endless and uninspired (except by Ray Harryhausen) third act.

Beleaguered S-Mart employee Ash (Campbell) is deposited in medieval times by a cloudy, swirling portal, whereupon he's mistaken for a criminal and prepped for execution. He survives the subsequent pit fight with a hideous monster, thanks to his trusty chainsaw, and becomes the town's resident Superman. They feel he is the only one capable enough to carry out the difficult task of retrieving the Necromicon (the "Book of the Dead") and thereby ridding the land of evil forces forever. Naturally, Ash, an amputee as a result of his last adventure with ghosts and goblins, fails miserably, his ineptitude unleashing the bony Army of Darkness--led by Ash's evil twin--on the poor people who asked for his help, including Sheila (Embeth Davidtz), with whom Ash was having an affair.

The road to this third and probably final entry in the Evil Dead series was paved with enthusiasm, but the script has the feel of a one-off, and just as spectacle alone can't save the average summer blockbuster, so can it not elevate Army of Darkness beyond its journeyman writing. Stale ideas and mostly recycled gags collide with the resourceful work of a respected design team to produce an intermittently entertaining "Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" spoof/retread. The sequel came out of the box with a cult following attached, presumably because fans of Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn felt obliged.

How do these 'horromedies' fare on digital video? Lake Placid looks and sounds fine on DVD, though the time is nigh for Fox to make a commitment to 16x9-enhanced transfers. (Only one of the studio's first quarter releases is anamorphic, the upcoming Best Laid Plans.) The image is letterboxed at 2.35:1 and features extraordinary colour and clarity. Most of the action takes place in daylight, but even in dark exteriors, contrast and shadow detail are exemplary. I noted no instances of pixellation or artifacting. The Dolby Digital 5.1 soundmix lacks the woodsy ambience one might expect, but the LFE channel delivers a few good knocks, especially during the ludicrously unsuspenseful climax. John Ottman's loud and expansive musical score does not, regrettably, render Kelley's dialogue inaudible. A Dolby Surround track is also included, as are three TV spots, cast and crew bios, a trailer, and a sugary featurette (that reiterates everything we just watched or are about to watch), all accessible via goofily-animated menus.

Sadly, Anchor Bay did not send us their (out of print) Limited Edition 2-DVD set containing the original Army of Darkness and its newly unearthed Director's Cut for review. Rather, I'll be discussing only the company's single disc release, which is a collectible in its own right. The 16x9-enhanced, 1.77:1 letterboxed (erroneously reported as 1.66:1 on the cover art), THX-approved transfer of the theatrical version looks smashing. Raimi's palette of drab colours is curiously vivid, and black level is as good as it gets. A word of warning: there is significant grain on display due to the nature of the various shooting stocks, not because of any artificial sharpening.

This 1993 pic predated the advent of digital sound, but Chace has remastered the Looney Tunes-style Dolby Stereo track in 5.1 to scorching effect. There is active use of the split surrounds and LFE channel--with a good speaker set-up in your home, Army of Darkness becomes the most involving experience Raimi and friends could possibly hope for. Included as a supplement only is the famed alternative ending (16x9-enhanced but in bad shape), a gloss on Rip Van Winkle and Planet of the Apes. As meaningless as the current S-Mart finale is, I prefer it to option B. Other extras: "The Men Behind the Army", a fun, 20-minute retrospective interview with the founders of KNB, for whom Army of Darkness was an early gig; filmmaker bios; and a campy trailer. My only question is who the single disc release was made for. This is a fanboy movie and fanboys wouldn't be caught (evil) dead without the Limited Edition.-Bill Chambers